Please tell me you can relate to this. I’ve had times where I know I *should* talk to someone. But I put it off. And the longer I put it off, the more *awkward* it can feel. So I put it off some more. And then I have to decide if I’m going to buck up and start the conversation or just let it go. Maybe forever.
In my experience, starting the conversation, no matter how awkward, is always the right decision.
That’s what I’m doing. Right now. With you. I’m starting, or rather, re-starting a conversation.
Last winter and spring I gained ground on blogging consistently. And my meanderings were striking a chord with some of you. (Thank you for the feedback.)
Then, near the end of March, the gymnastics school where I work part-time was closed for a week for spring break. Since my husband is a CPA, there was no chance of going to the beach. It would be a great opportunity to write! And since God had inspired me with many topics to write about (all neatly written down in my journal), I could (gasp) work ahead on blog posts.
So I sat down to write.
And got a little squeamish.
The topics I’d written down were a bit…, well…, personal. And besides that, I was a bit… shall we say… frustrated with God right about that time.
I did what any insecure writer would do. I declared I was taking the week off from writing because it was spring break.
And I haven’t written since.
I recently read the book of Jeremiah. When I read God’s words to Jeremiah in 1:5-10, I felt like he was saying them to me. In verse 6, Jeremiah says, “O Sovereign Lord, I can’t speak for you. I’m too young!”
Well, I’m not too young. But I always feel too (fill in the blank). Depending on the day, I can feel too tired, too vulnerable, too confused, too … But it usually boils down to feeling too afraid to put into print what God shows me and teaches me.
God responds to Jeremiah in verse 7. “Don’t say ‘I’m too young (or insecure, or whatever),’ for you must go wherever I send you and say whatever I tell you. And don’t be afraid of the people, for I will be with you and will protect you. I, the Lord, have spoken!”
Then God reached down and touched Jeremiah’s mouth and said, “Look, I have put my words in your mouth!”
I can honestly say I do not feel called by God to go to kings and leaders and rebuke or warn them like he asked Jeremiah to do. But I do feel compelled to share what God has placed on my heart.
As much as I’m sometimes nervous and a bit fearful about putting myself “out there” on this blog or when I speak to a group, I have something that makes me even more anxious: I don’t want God to stop putting words in my mouth.
I love gaining insights from the Holy Spirit. I love wrestling with things until I grow closer to God through it. (Let me clarify — I don’t *love* the wrestling part. I*love* the growing closer to God part.)
So I’m back. I’m starting a new conversation with you, because apparently, spring break is over.
Hello, friend. I’m Danita. Would you like to join me at the table for some conversation?