Vital Connections, Step 2

January 20, 2015

Note from Danita: This is the second of three posts related to a Girls’ Night group.  Part #1  explains the benefits of starting a group and some decisions my friend Jen and I made before asking women to join us for dinner one night a month. In part #3, I’ll describe our group’s evenings. If you’re a guy, please keep reading. Maybe you could encourage a significant woman in your life to take these steps. You’ll benefit, too. Really.

Vital Connections, Step 2 — The Ask

One day I was having lunch with one of the women on my invite list. Although we’re very good friends, I was a little nervous inviting her, because, well, I don’t like rejection and people don’t really love to make ongoing commitments.  I described what Jen and I were trying to start, and finally got to the part where I said, “I was wondering if you’d like…”

Her eyes widened as she interrupted and said, “Are you asking me to be part of it?”

Yes. Yes, I am.

“I’d LOVE to! When is it?”

We hadn’t set an actual date; we thought we needed people first. So, at lunch that day, I asked what evening would work for her (knowing she works some evenings).

“Any evening. It doesn’t matter. Set a time and I’ll be there. I’m so excited!”Belinda 2


I knew Jen and I were excited about the possibility of this group, but, I have to admit, I was surprised by my latest recruit’s enthusiasm for it.

Apparently, my longing for connection time with women was much more universal than I had realized.

My next two asks were similar. These women showed no hesitation to committing to a monthly connection.

Jen explained the idea to her husband to make sure he was willing to set aside that evening each month, since leaving small children alone for an evening is not an option. 🙂 He was good with it, but wanted some more information.

“Will you study the Bible?” No.

“Will you have a prayer time?” I’m sure we’ll pray before the meal.

“If you aren’t having a Bible study or prayer time or learning something new…what’s the point of this evening again?” We’re going to eat and talk.

“That’s it?” Yes, that’s (blissfully) it.

Kathy 2In all, only one of the first six women asked hesitated. She embraced the idea but wasn’t sure her schedule would allow it.

What started as a desire in my heart and a longing in Jen’s was about to happen. Eight women. Each of the eight knew at least one other person in the group fairly well, but none of us knew everyone else.

Eight women.

A date was set.

Girls’ Night was about to launch.

Side note: Jen’s friend who hesitated found it impossible to juggle the other parts of her life to come to the monthly dinners. The rest of us tried to find a balance between letting her know we wanted her to have a place in the group, and letting her know it was okay to back out. We women can feel a lot of guilt trying to play 20 roles in our lives; not attending a monthly dinner should not add more guilt. She made the best decision for her, her job and her family, and let us know she could not make it work. Another woman was invited to join in the evening. She did. And after being pleasantly relieved she wasn’t secretly being roped into a book club, 🙂 she has left her indelible stamp on this amazing group of women.

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